I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
