I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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