HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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