Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
