they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
