yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
