You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
