I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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