Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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