It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
