I want you more than these girls want KFC
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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