It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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