Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
