Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
