my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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