If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
