Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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