It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
