I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize