im six kinds of drunk right now
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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