the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
accomplished twins. life is a go
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
