I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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