NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
