life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
