this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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