You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
