I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
