Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
