I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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