ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
