This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
