I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
