this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the raccoons are back...
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