I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
