The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
