he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
