this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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