I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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