My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
