If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
