Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
