The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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