Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's like heaven, but drunker
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize