I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
