Define "chronic" masturbator.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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