You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
