yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
