Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
