Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
