Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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