I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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