when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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