Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
