i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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