idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
