What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
