Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
