well I can't set my house on fire every night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
