It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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