No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
