I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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