he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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