Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
