I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I could fuck to npr.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
