1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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