What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
