Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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