You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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