So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
