Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
