I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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